Mr.Sith Goes To Washington
It is one week into the era of President Obama, and as the ceremonious rituals and traditional charades came to a close, the grim realities of the future of the United States became clear. Our new president has initiated his diametrically slanted regime publicly and hastily; and is plainly enjoying the uncontested invincibility provided by the heightened Democratic presence in Washington—one that an economic writer for the Wall Street Journal likened to “…the forces of the Dark Side after they have defeated the Jedi Knights in The Empire Strikes Back.” In other words: America, buckle your seatbelts. Big government, socialism, and economic oppression have arrived; and when the rising empire decides to demonstrate the power of the proverbial death ray of socialism, it won’t be aimed at the peaceful planet of Alderaan. It will be aimed squarely at the American people.
There is a glimmering light, however. The pragmatist voices of resistance are few in number, but they are out there—somewhere—lost in the cacophony of the media frenzy. Although they are often barely discernible, their message is strong: the new administration is one of “The Sith”, the nemesis of The Jedi and of justice in the galaxy, and a dense concentration of personified evil, which leaves the citizens of the United States of America in the position to make a decision of legendary proportions. We, the people, must choose to lower the blast shield and wield our untapped potential in opposition against the Evil Obama Empire, or apathetically allow ourselves to be economically victimized under the generalized banners of “hope” and “change”. We must prepare ourselves for the onslaught of the Big Brother agenda, the numerous and unrelenting job-destroying initiatives, and the staunchly liberal procurator’s movements to expand their political leverage and control at our expense. The ones now in power are the ones who Ayn Rand described in her classic novel, Atlas Shrugged as “the looters and their laws.” They are the American Bolshevik aristocracy; and they are here to exploit us. But we must remember, they are also the merciless machine to which our Jedi protagonist, Luke Skywalker, boldly and handless-ly spat, “I’ll never join you!”, and we can learn from his heroic defiance. We can do it too (Yes we can!) if we assemble, organize, and bring awareness to the truths behind the Evil Obama Empire’s deceptive propagation of class-envy and blind mass appeal—two proven ingredients of social and political upheaval—and two steps toward our folding self destruction.
Let us review and examine the proposals of the Evil Obama Empire before us, as I hold the truths therewithin to be self-evident. American citizens, it is time to open your eyes and ears, for it is upon these grounds that the first battles of our revolution must be fought and won to preserve our freedom.
- $850 billion “stimulus package” — In this “stimulus package”, the Evil Obama Empire asserts that if the government spends, borrows, and prints close to $1 trillion, everyone in America will be able to find employment and everyone in America will become wealthy. This is absurd. The creation of money is not the creation of capital, it’s inflation. This is the Bolivia economic model, and it is very probable to be passed by the Sith Obama minions in Washington.
- Forced union rules — The abolishment of secret ballots for elections to unionize factories and plants. One could also call this, “a farewell to democracy”. This is the rapidity at which the Evil Obama Empire is establishing its expansive control. Another could call this, “the payback for the $400 million the union bosses spent to elect Democrats”.
- Hillary Clinton Health Care – The Evil Obama Empire wants a new version of government-run health care. This means, more governmental power over the lives of the American citizens and the services they receive to preserve said lives. Why shouldn’t we support this movement? Socialized health care has worked so well in Canada and the U.K., right? Let us just pray to our Sith lord and savior, Barack Obama, that we don’t get sick, and actually need those services.
- Cap and trade energy tax – The “Death Star” of tax increases: $1.2 trillion over the next decade. Al Gore and his discipleship of environmentalists are drawn closer to the Dark Side by this new tax for its ability to cripple American industry and manufacturing capacity. That means more jobs lost, more dependency of the proletariat upon the government-sponsored “successful” corporations and organizations, and more government control over the innocent citizens the Evil Obama Empire will then transform into economy drones. But this is the price the people pay for the profitable, fire-and-brimstone pop culture phenomenon that is “global warming”. Sleep well, Darth Gore.
- The Destruction of the Wealthy — The Evil Obama Empire wants to raise the income tax, the capital gains tax, the dividend tax, and the payroll tax. That’s all. But only for the wealthy – those who have the financial and economical abilities to create jobs, take risks, start businesses, and work hard among other things – only they will pay. This means half of all income taxes will be paid by 1% of the American people. This can only possibly appear just and fair to the impressionable who have succumbed as willing participants in the liberal agenda to manufacture class-envy among the people. Fight, my friends! Resist their Sith mind tricks!
- To Drill, or Not to Drill – The Evil Obama Empire is likely to attempt to reinstate bans on offshore drilling for oil and gas in the outer continental shelf, Alaska, and in the oil shale rich states of the west. This is a way to assist in the creation of employment opportunities and truly “stimulate” the economy? The Evil Obama Empire must also believe this is an appropriate measure to reduce our dependence on foreign oil.
- Fairness doctrine — To ensure the Evil Obama Empire’s big-government agenda isn’t extinguished by the capitalist resistance headed by the few aforementioned voices in the media, the Democrats want to pass the “Fairness doctrine,” legislation to ensure that liberal ideals be allotted equal time and coverage on television and radio. This is another movement for more government control over corporations and the people! Are the masses of Sith “Obamaniacs” truly so blind? Rather, is it naivety? Do they truly believe in the viability and honest intentions of a socialist emperor as he quietly and affably robs them of every economical and social right they have?
Despite the Evil Obama Empire’s deceptive claims, the redistribution of wealth is not the creation of wealth, government is not the solution—it’s the problem, and Emperor Obama does not have the intellect, the objectivity, or the right to control any of our money or lives; and we need to remind the elitist Sith in Washington of these truths before it is too late. The money Emperor Obama plans to throw at our economic crises isn’t coming from Washington. It’s coming from us, our children, and our grandchildren. The “economic stimulus” will be economic suicide. If the Evil Obama Empire’s agenda succeeds, in 2009 the federal budget will increase the budget deficit to $2.2 trillion in a single year. This is more borrowing in 1 year than the federal government did previously in 200 years combined. This must be stopped before it begins.
So what can we, the people, the Jedi—we who still believe in freedom and the principles of limited government that our Founding Fathers set out for this nation do? Will we strap on our blasters, man our X-wings, and prepare to fight the political fight of a lifetime in the name of preserving free market capitalism, or will we flee to the swamps of the Dagobah System and cower? Let us join and resist the arsenal of economic lunacy against all odds. The American Idea is at stake. Who will rise as our Luke Skywalker, and make the trench-run to destroy the destroyers? Who will be our New Hope? Who will be our protagonist, our hero? Whoever it is, they will not come from Washington. They will come from the ranks of the dirty, the trodden, and the poor. They will come from the midst of the American people, and they will be immovable. They will be us, collectively; and they will bring balance and justice to the galaxy once more. Until then, my fellow citizens, be strong, and may the truth be with you—always.
